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Understand [Nov. 28th, 2006|11:34 pm]

i hate the way they spit out their words
they dont even realize each one hurts
like a knife to the back, a silent attack
or a bat to the face, left to feel like a disgrace

maybe when the rain falls again
everyone will understand
what its like to be
under pressure, like me
no shooting star will save us now
its like time has stopped somehow
but if the rain falls
you'll hear a voice call
and you will understand

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(no subject) [Aug. 1st, 2006|10:27 pm]
Basically... I haven't updated in here in a long time..

So I'm filling out the questionnaire again...to give you kind of an update... yeah..

Name : Izzy
Age: 15
Gender: F
Birthday: July 4th
Heritage: French & German
Religion: Athiest
Location: NY
Height: 5'3-5'4"
Weight: no clue
Hair Color: black
Eye Color: brown
Style: band shirts, jeans & a hoodie.

Favorite Color: black, red, purple.. & neon stuff
Movie: The Virgin Suicides, The Boondock Saints, The Lion King, The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Food: peaches
Song:hm.. 'Poetic Tragedy', 'On My Own', 'The Ghosts of Me & You', 'Thunder', 'Wrecking Hotel Rooms', 'Glass In The Trees', 'Dimmer Light', 'Modern Morbid Prophecies'. etc...
Band: The Used, Dead Poetic, Less Than Jake, Atreyu, Mae, etc..
Singer: Bert ♥
Book: Twilight, Crosses, Empress of the World, Crank.
Magazine: AP
Music: Basically emo, screamo, punk, ska, metal, acoustic.. or anything to cry to.

Random ???
Are you in a realtionship: I actually just got dumped.. like 30 min ago.
Are you a or ever have been a self injurer: A year ago I was.
Are you a member of any other communties: Yeah.. but not active.

mhmm.. so yeah.
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"Don't stop your meds abruptly." -My mother [Jul. 7th, 2006|11:50 am]

[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[Current Music |"You're a God" -Vertical Horizon]


My mom wants to put me on more meds. Yippee... Here's the basic dialogue that went on between us:

Mom: Hey, I need to talk to you about your meds.

Me: Why?

Mom: Are you still taking the ____ and the ____?

Me ...No.

Mom: You mean you stopped??

Me: I guess so.

Mom: Well, you're going to start taking the ____ again TOMORROW.

Me: Mom, it doesn't do SHIT for me.

Mom: Well, you're taking it anyway, whether you like it or not.

Me: I don't wanna be on meds that I don't need, mom.

Mom: You either take the ____ or find somewhere else to live. I'm giving you two weeks to find somewhere to live.

Me: Whatever. I'm not taking it. It doesn't do anything and I don't need it.

Mom: Fine, get out in 2 weeks!

I walk out of the kitchen and start walking up the stairs to my room

Mom: Get back here!

Me: I don't feel well. I'm going to bed, so talk to me tomorrow.

Mom: You have 2 weeks!

Me: Whatever.

So that was about it. Very petty argument over an antidepressant that didn't do shit for me that my mom suddenly wants me to start taking again. I'm so sick of meds. I've been on lots of different pills since I was 7 years old, and I'm tired of it. It's because of all the medication I'm on that I felt the way I did last night. I was out of the house too long, I forgot to take them to Jeremy's with me, and I had to ride my bike home without taking them. So by the time I reached home, I felt like shit. I felt sick to my stomach from the exccessive pain in my feet caused by the lack of meds, and I was so frustrated at my mom that I just didn't want to talk to her. I knew that if I DID talk to her, I would just blow up at her and start a cat fight, which I really didn't want to do.

This morning, I gave in and took the stupid antidepressant (I'm not even depressed, people) so she would stop nagging me and leave me alone. Whatever. I figure I'll just take it so she can see that it doesn't do a damn thing.

Yep, that's it for this rant-fest.

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(no subject) [Jul. 6th, 2006|01:09 am]

Name: [ Nicole ]
[ 16 ]
Gender: [ female ]
Birthday: [ July 3rd  ]
Heritage: [ mostly german ; french ; philopino ; irish ; blah. ]
Religion: [ no thanks ]
Location: [ Iowa ]
Height: [ 5'3 ]
Weight: [ 112 lbs ]
Hair Color: [ basically a really light brown ]
Eye Color: [ hazel - whats orange, green, and brown? ]
Style: [ Orignial and Me ]

Favorite Color: [ BabyBlue ]
Movie: [ The Fast and the Furious -all- ]
Food: [ snow crab legs ]
Song: [ currently ; Stand Still, Look Pretty - The Wreckers. for some reason im in a country phase. eek. ]
Band: [ i wish.. (ps, i love to many bands to choose just one.) ]
Singer: [ im kinda good at it.. ( same as bands..) ]
Book: [ You Dont Know Me ]
Magazine: [ EastBay..catalog ]
Music: [ Rap, Rock, Country, Techno, Trance... im an all music girl.. ]

[ i dance in my underwear.. more than 9 times a day. ]
Are you in a realtionship: [ yea, its complicated tho. ]
Are you a or ever have been a self injurer: [ im not real proud of it.. but ill be honest.. yea. ]
Are you a member of any other communties: [ mhmm. 100poetry ; creative minds ;  lyricalpoetry... stuff like that ]
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(no subject) [Jun. 30th, 2006|09:37 pm]
[Current Location |sam's house]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |never alone]

well here is my fucking post...I don’t think that me and nancy are close anymore, I don’t think im close to anybody anymore, I don’t think I should be, I feel bad coz im leaving everyone, sometimes I think that they must be happy coz im leaving and all.
Anyhow other than that I just felt depressed most of the day, ppl are just a pain in the ass, I feel like everyone is punishing me, everybody is acting strange and I just end up crying everyday…
Not that anyone cares, I don’t think anything that I say matters, I don’t think that im something.
Im always nice to everybody, I care about everyone and I would do anything for any of my friends but I think I shouldn’t care, I shouldn’t love them or be nice ,u know why because they don’t treat me the same way.
No one does
I think about my family and friends more than myself…but I get nothing for that, im just so scared, im scared of leaving, im scared of being in a new skool yet again, what if I didn’t find someone to talk too and I got all missed up like before.
what if something happened to sam and im not here to help her.
I just fucking hate how ppl think, I hate it when they talk behind my back, I hate it when ppl hurt me and they act like its okay, she’ll fucking get over it.
I feel like a complete idiot, I don’t even know why am I here, im losing everybody so fast, everyone is getting outa of my life, im leaving, they die, they leave..ppl pretend to care coz they just fucking want something from u, maybe just to hear there problems, or just someone to make out with, whatever it is, im sure as hell its not because they fucking like me.
Im totally sorry for the shit that I did, for the lies that I spread, for not beating u up when u thought of dying.
That was depressing….im thinking of doubling my medication, not now though, my mom wont afforded taking me to a hospital….i wish I could burn myself, burn my fucking neck…
Its clean, there isn’t even a mark on it anymore and I wanna burn it again.
Comment if u care
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(no subject) [Jun. 18th, 2006|09:41 pm]

Everyone in this community is here to help, and not to bash, right?
Well, I need help. I've been taking medication my doctor took my off of so I could focus. It works like speed and ritalin in a way.  I want to stop because its stupid, but im afraid that I will just keep taking them anyway because there is no dangerous side affect.
You can look down on me all you want, I need help.
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(no subject) [Jun. 17th, 2006|09:17 pm]
Name :sawsi
Heritage:arabic, Italian sp? and turkey sp?
Height:5 feet
Hair Color:brown
Eye Color:brown
Style:none lable

Favorite Color:dark blue
Movie:meet the fuckers
Song:your sweet 666
Singer:ville valo
Book:the giver

Random ??? i slept with ur mother
Are you in a realtionship:yesh
Are you a or ever have been a self injurer:of course
Are you a member of any other communties:yesh
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Well, I already re-introduced myself.... [Jun. 17th, 2006|01:06 pm]

[Current Mood |apatheticapathetic]
[Current Music |"I Am a Rock" -Simon & Garfunkel]

...So I figured I'd follow through and post something.

Father's Day is tomorrow. I'm NOT looking foward to it. I am one of the few people I know who doesn't celebrate Father's Day because, well, my father may as well not exist. He moved to Pennsylvania in December because he met some woman on the internet, and now they're married. I have a stepmother and two stepbrothers whom I've never met, and I probably never will meet them. The whole thing left me feeling even more angry and abandoned than I'd felt when he and my mom were divorced in the first place. Yeah, not fun.

Ever since I was 12 years old, Father's Day has been this way. I spend the better part of the day trying to distract myself from it, which is difficult to do when 98% of your friends have made plans with their families and you have to sit there with nothing to do. And everywhere I go, I see families out having a great ol' time and it leaves me feeling like, well, an outsider who has been left out of everything. Last year was pretty bad because ALL of my friends had plans and my mom and my brother didn't feel like doing anything. So it was very difficult for me to keep myself from wallowing all day long.

To this day, though, Father's Day always leaves me feeling depressed.

I'm going cosmic bowling with my boyfriend and two of our friends tomorrow night. But that's not until 9 PM, so I'll have to find something to occupy my mind completely, yet again.

Anyway, that's all for this vent-session. Thanks for listening.
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Been way too damn long [Jun. 17th, 2006|12:22 am]

[Current Mood |sleepysleepy]
[Current Music |"For What It's Worth" -Buffalo Springfield]

As you can see from the title, it's been way too long since I last posted here.
So I thought I would re-post my application seeing how my absence was so drawn-out.
So here it is, my re-introduction...

Name: Ashley.
Age: 17.
Gender: Female.
Birthday: June 1st.
Heritage: Irish.
Religion: At the moment I'm spiritual, not religious.
Location: Oregon, USA.
Height: 4'9".
Weight: 97 lbs.
Hair Color: Auburn (completely natural).
Eye Color: Blue-green.
Style: Nothing to be labeled. Just... what it is.

Favorite Color: Black, white, red, and silver.
Movie: Rent.
Food: Sushi.
Song: Too many favorites. But my own, personal song is "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls.
Band: Too many.
Singer: Too many.
Book: Anything by Kurt Vonnegut.
Magazine: The Rolling Stone.
Music: Classic rock, metal, REAL punk, screamo, emo, alternative, techno, jazz, classical, country, and 80's pop.

Random???: I'm bisexual.
Are you in a realtionship: Yes, I have a boyfriend. Still looking for a girlfriend.
Are you a or ever have been a self injurer: I was for a short period of time. Fortunately I received the help I needed from an amazing therapist that I will always love forever.
Are you a member of any other communties: Yes, a few others.
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(no subject) [Jun. 17th, 2006|01:30 am]

[Current Mood |irritatedirritated]

Name :Serenity
Birthday:April 7th
Heritage: Brittish
Religion: Jewish (becuase step-moms jewish)
Location: Alaska
Height: 5'4
Weight: 105 (and very happy! not to rub it in...sorry)
Hair Color: black
Eye Color: hazel, somtimes black
Style: scene, I guess

Favorite Color: clear
Movie: Howls Moving Castle
Song: Straight to Video- mindless self indulgence
Band: From first to last
Singer: ??? unno
Book: Flipped
Magazine: dunno
Music: Uh, screamo, emo, and tehcno

Random ??? My mom died of aids?
Are you in a realtionship: Just got out of one, look'n for love ^-^
Are you a or ever have been a self injurer: *eyes bandage on wrist from what I just did to myself* um...maybe
Are you a member of any other communties: a few, just to look around and make friends. I like this one the most though
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